Choose You!

Are You His Spouse or His Mother? (Read Time: 3 min)

2010-03-20T19:45:00.000-07:00

Why do women insist on mothering men?

That's the question I'm pondering tonight. Marianne Williamson says it best,

"A woman cannot win by mothering a man because a man does not want to sleep with his mother. A woman who emotionally does too much for a man will always end up losing him."

And, yet, so many women pick up a man child thinking he'll transform into a man's man and guess what? Twenty years later, she's still waiting.

The reality is this: a man doesn't want to have sex with his mother... and he won't stay with a woman who babies him. It's also true that a woman doesn't want to have sex with her son and when she gets tired of nagging, ordering, and changing diapers, she'll drop him like a hotcake for a man who's already grown up.

There comes a time when we, as women, have to decide if we want a relationship with a man that's a masterpiece or a boy who's a work in progress. I don't know about you but I already have three kids. I don't need a fourth nor do I have the desire or the time to wait for someone to turn "potential" into actual.

Getting out of the relationship pattern of being the mother is hard to do. It involves seeing a person, not for who they "could" be but for who they're showing up to be and, as women, we want to believe in the highest form of each and every person, especially men. But, reverse the equation: When was the last time a man dated a 400 pound woman saying, "I know there's a 125 pound beauty queen in there somewhere and I know she'll evolve?" or dated a woman who is an emotional wreck and said, "I know she'll be mature, stable and able to mother my children someday so I'll marry her on hope."

I know few men who've done this and the ones who have were sadly mistaken.

In the upcoming CHOOSE YOU! course, I'm going to spend some time on how both men and women can break free of the negative relationship pattern that involves parenting their partners. A partner is not someone you grow up; it's a person you grow with.

"Until a man makes an essential break from his boyhood, he will not have the muscles for real manhood, or for real love. He will not know how to reach far enough for love, and women around him will always be tempted to respond by reaching too far. This spells emotional disaster for both."

- Marianne Williamson, "Enchanted Love"

What's your take on parenting your partner? Have you done it? Do you do it? Have you ever seen it work out in a relationship?

Post your comments here or email me at chooseyouworkshops@gmail.com.

Pain is a Choice... (Read Time: 2 min.)

2009-09-07T15:26:00.000-07:00

Everyone has the need for self-expression, to be, in this world, who they were really meant to be. It doesn't matter how long it takes or how many relationships one has to go through, at some point, everyone steps out on their own... to deal with their own stuff.

I wonder why, in many circumstances, people view individuality as a selfish exertion of will. Who I am in no way challenges who you are. Who you'd like to be in no way informs who I CHOOSE to be so why do so many people get offended and uptight at each other when people don't act or behave the way they expected them to?

More than that, why do some people, who find themselves threatened by the individuality of another, become cruel? Do they believe that cruelty creates fondness?

The truth is that we each live in our worlds with sets and characters and storylines WE wrote. At any moment, we can flip the script. In a heartbeat, circumstances open our eyes to new and different ways of living. To blame someone for experiencing life in their own way is like blaming someone for breathing: what's the point? Breath has to happen. Life has to happen. People are entitled to their own choices.

The thing that is most moving about life is our ability to choose. We don't have to live in the blame/shame/guilt game. We don't have to arm ourselves with fake senses of self and self-righteous superiority or victim thinking that would rather fault someone else for being who they are than taking responsibility for who you've decided to become.

Hurting people hurt people but they don't have to. Like love, pain is a CHOICE...

Tomorrow Will Take Care of Itself

2009-07-08T19:37:00.000-07:00

Do you trust the process of life?

Yes? Don't be so quick to answer... Let me get more specific.

You just lost the job you'd held for 20 years. You could barely afford your mortgage working 70 hours a week and, now, you don't even quality for 8unemployment not to mention you have a $650.00/month car note that has to be paid if you're going to get to and from job interviews.

Do you trust the process of life?

Or what if you've been trying to get pregnant for 6 years? You've tried everything, exhausted your savings, annihilated your 401(k) and took out a second mortgage on your home, all for 3 tries at In Vitro Fertilization that all failed. You're broke, your marriage is falling apart, and still no baby. Did I mention you're 38?

Do you trust the process of life?

Or what if your entire life, up until now, has been one disappointment after another? For every step you took forward, life pushed you two steps back. Every time you got a new job with some promise, you got assigned a nasty boss or mean co-workers and when promotion time came around, you were always passed up. You live in the same one bedroom apartment with two cats and a dog and you haven't been on a date in years. Your life feels like the Movie "Ground Hog Day" and, no matter how hard you try, nothing seems to get better without getting much, much worse right afterwards.

Do you trust the process of life?

It's so simple to say 'yes' when asked the question but the truth of your answer is not when life is all sunshine. It's when your smack dab in the eye of the storm. Your lesson in every obstacle is to take hold of your vision and use your power to see opportunities, not obstacles.

Every fallback is your golden opportunity to make a comeback. Failure is a result you now know how to achieve and, therefore, can choose not to experience again. When you know the equation of losing, it means you also know that the equation of winning is something entirely different.

Stop replaying all of your mistakes. Learn from them and do something different and, no matter what, no matter what comes, no matter how you feel, and no matter what it "looks" like, know that the universe always conspires in your favor.

Cultivate faith so, even in the tough times, when asked "Do you trust the process of life?", you can answer "Yes!" and really mean it.

Strong Women Aren't Noble; They're Brave

2009-02-22T21:00:00.000-08:00

I've always had mixed feelings about the word "strong", especially when seated next to the word "woman." Too often, I've seen people make strength the reason why women endure abuse, stress, anxiety, unhappy marriages, unfulfilling careers, and so on.

Notice that we never say "He's a strong man" as if it's some extraordinary feat. His maleness, in society's eyes, assumes strength but it's not a strength that cripples or burdens. On the contrary, when we call a woman strong, it is almost always in the context of her overcoming some horribly burdensome experience. Whether it's raising 6 kids on her own or working 3 jobs while going to school at night or getting out of an abusive relationship, we call her strong as if it's some sort of medal she's earned.

If that's a medal, disqualify me from the race. There is no strength in allowing others to treat you with less love, respect and honor than you deserve. There is no strength in living small so others feel big. There is no strength in taking hits to your soul, in not being able to pursue your life's purpose, in taking care of everyone else at your own expense. There is no strength in being noble if noble costs you your life.

So I say this with all honor and sincerity and faith in the spirit of women everywhere. Strong women aren't strong because they're noble. They're strong because they're brave. Strong women know what they want and who they are... or they're avidly in pursuit of finding out. They don't apologize for being themselves. They don't feel shame for making mistakes. They teach people how to treat them and they look at others with the same amount of love, respect and hope that they hold for themsleves.

Strong women say yes when they want to say yes and no when they want to say no. They are patient with themselves and others. Strong women try new things and keep around them other strong women because they know that there is more than enough for all.

Strong women know they're own souls, listen to their inner wisdom and go by what people do, not what they say. Strong women show before they tell. They love without expecting it in return but they always love themselves first.

Strong women know that their greatest achievements in life are the products of love and forgiveness. The more of each they give, the more they receive. Strong women live in the present moment because the past is gone and the future is being created now.

Above all else, strong women don't have to be strong all the time. They accept and love themselves for who they are, where they are and nothing anyone else says or does changes that. That's a strong woman in my book and she's inside every single woman in existence.

Isn't it time you called her forth?

Are You a Dolphin on the Ice?

2009-02-19T18:26:00.000-08:00

I did a rare thing this morning. I turned on the news. What popped up is an image I won't soon forget: five dolphins stuck in the icy waters of New Finland. I could hear their cries as their tails waded from one icy surface to another.

The reporter indicated that five dolphins were trapped by ice in New Finland, that ice cutters couldn't be used to get them out (for fear it might kill the dolphins in the process), and the only hope was mother nature, warm weather that could melt the ice and set the dolphins free.

Something about this story touched a chord in me. After all, dolphins are symbols of healing and joy, virtually the only mammals who live in the water. They're like us, maybe our best selves, but not us.

One question kept coming back to me, "Are you a dolphin on the ice?"

Dolphins, by nature, are free, fun-loving creates. Extremely intelligent, dolphins communicate better than most, require companionship and socialization, and, due to their very sensitive skin, love being touched.

In many ways, they're like us so when I saw the image, it immediately hit me that there was a lesson to be learned here.

There are times in life when it feels like you're doing fine. You wake up, go to work, come home, see the kids, eat dinner, put everyone to bed, read a book, go to sleep, and wake up the next day to do it all over again. It's normal. It's "the usual." It's what you call life.

But are you really living it?

It is so easy to get trapped in the icy waters of life and not know it until it's almost too late. Why? Because you're used to adapting.

One day, the water was lukewarm. It was a normal day in your normal life. The next day, you get laid off from work or your spouse starts coming home late or the doctor wants to see you in person. You shrug and say, "Ok, it just got a little colder. Let me put on a jacket, some gloves, a hat and I'll be fine."

There's a certain numbness to "fine" just as there is a certain numbness to living in ice cold waters. Eventually, something big hits and if you didn't know you were in icy waters then, you know it now. Whether it's death, divorce, desertion, or financial ruin, it hits like a rock and its residue remains like the ash of a volcano and, now, in the midst of it, you know two things:
1) You're stuck
2) You'll do anything to get out

But what most people do here is wage war against the circumstance rather than learn from it. So, like the dolphins, you kick and fight and cry, all to no avail. The raging against the situation increases your feelings of hopelessness and despair.

At some point, you get too tired to fight. The water's been too cold for too long. Everything you've tried hasn't worked and you come to a very big fork in the road. Here you have two choices:
1) Quit
2) Surrender

There is a difference. To quit means to give up, to give in, to retract all efforts (mental and physical) and to be resigned to a fate that has no good in sight.

Surrender is a whole other choice. When you surrender, you acknowledge that there is something greater than you in this world that made you, lives in you and orchestrated this entire situation. You do all that you can and, in this moment, you turn the entire situation over to a higher power, knowing and trusting that, at any moment, the sun could shine, the temperature could go up, and you could break free.

However, in order to do that, you can't afford to lose your mind. Surrender means you stop the external struggle and you build the internal courage. It means you take on a greater force than you've ever known by accepting the fact that, in life, all things have a way of working themselves out... if you are ready and willing to stay the course.

Quitters never win, not because they're not good enough but because they don't mentally stay in the game long enough. Those who surrender never give in and never give up. What they do, however, is rest and trust. If you haven't learned to do these two things yet, life will certainly give you plenting of experiences to learn it later.

Your defeat isn't sealed by your circumstances but your victory is guaranteed by your approach. In life, be sure to take a positive one!

Final Point: Anyone can be a dolphin in the ice and not know it. Be alive in your life now so an experience doesn't have to come along to make you wake up later. Either way, no matter what happens, know one thing for sure and affirm:

All situations work out for the highest good of all.

Know that this is true ALWAYS...

What's This Famiy's Foundation?

2009-02-17T17:14:00.000-08:00

You've decided that your family needs healing. You're taking a stand and you choose to create a home that is filled with peace, joy and love.

What is your first step?

Create a new foundation for your family.

Family stability is based on having a place of unwavering peace and unconditional love but these aren't just foo foo concepts. You have to be willing to do the work.

What does that work entail?

Ask yourself (and write the answers out on sheets of paper) the following questions:
1) What is the mission of my family?
2) What are 3-5 of our core family values (examples: loyalty, respect, trust, integrity, generosity, honesty, etc.)
3) What regular weekly activities do we participate in together to ensure quality time? (not TV or video games)
4) Does each and every member of this family get alone time and privacy and is it respected?
5) What issues are boiling under the surface that we refuse to talk about and why?
6) Is my notion of an "ideal" family workable with our current family dynamic?
7) How do we openly express love? How does each person in the family know$ that he or she is loved?
8) How do we openly communicate displeasure or sadness? Are people punished for speaking their mind?
9) Are there alliances or cliques in my family? How can we dissipate them?
10) Ten years from now, if my kids were to use three words to describe their upbringing, what 3 words would I want them to use?

Once you've gone through all of these questions yourself (in your own private time and space), it's time to schedule a family meeting where ALL members living in the house can be present.

Buy a huge whiteboard, markers and erasers. Nominate someone to be the notetaker (he or she will write everything on the board that is said during the family meeting). This should not be done while eating dinner or directly afterward. Food gets in the way. No TV, cell phones, no video games, no ipods.

Everyone sits around a table and, one by one, you go through the questions out loud. Don't talk about you or your spouse's response until ALL the kids have had the opportunity to speak their minds.

Be sure that your notetaker is writing down all ideas on the board. When you've gone through questions 1-10 and everyone's said how they feel, pull out a big sheet of poster board and color pencils. Decide, as a family, what your core values are and have each person contribute to making a family vision board, or collage where you list your family name at the top, your core values in the middle and paste or color in whatever pictures, words and ideas that best fit your new family foundation. If you're looking for information on how to create a vision board, check out The Complete Vision Board Kit: Using the Power of Intention and Visualization to Achieve Your Dreams where you'll get the A-Zs of making a vision board.

Make this fun! Have a little popcorn and hot cocoa! Take pictures and, when done, put the vision board up where everyone in the family can see it at least once a day.

The key to building a strong family foundation is doing it (and committing to it) together as a family.

What is a Consciously Loving Family?

2009-02-15T18:03:00.000-08:00

What does family mean to you?
Is it a safe haven from the harshness of the world?
Is it a comfortable, peaceful place where unique individuals form a bond that allows them to be who they are, flaws and all, and be completely accepted?
Is it a place of joy, love, and caring where you can bring the problems in your life, unload them, and know that, even if they’re not fixed, you’ll be loved and treated with compassion so you can choose to find a solution to the problem?

OR

Is your family a place of disunity, discord, and judgment?
Are you afraid to show your family who you really are for fear that they’ll judge you for it?
Do you feel like you’re living with strangers? That being estranged is easier than working out problems?
Do you have family members who’d rather control you and make you suffer than encourage you to live your dreams?
Do you cringe at the idea of family get-togethers, knowing that this Christmas will be just as drama-filled as the last?
Do you have a less than close relationship with your siblings?
Is there an internal family war going on and, somehow, you got caught in the middle?
Are there factions to your family (their side, his side, her side) and you stay away rather than be the messenger?
Is there criticism, judgment, or a constant “one-upping” going on to the point that family members care more about what you’ve gained or lost than how you’re doing in your life?
Is there bitterness, resentment, or unforgiveness that has been lingering for generations?

Which family are you living in?

Which family could you be living in if given half the chance?

That’s why my 2009 CHOOSE YOU! theme is “Healing Wounds, Rebuilding Family.” Too many of us are living in mediocre families, accepting so much less than the family unit is capable of and shrugging it off to being “dysfunctional.”

Dysfunctional is putting on two different color socks; it’s not cussing a family member out in the middle of a mall parking lot and not speaking to them for five years. That’s resentment, anger, and bitterness and until this type of negativity stops in our families, we will continue to see a world where children grow up mad, adults shake their heads in depression, and old people leave this world with most people never knowing they’d even been there.

Is that the kind of world you want to live in? I don’t and 2009 is dedicated to helping your family go beyond that grim, negative picture.

So what is a consciously loving family?

Notice I didn’t say “perfect” family. Let’s be real. There’s no such thing. Your family members are going to get on your nerves. They are going to say things and do things that come across, to you, as hurtful. They’re human.

What I’m talking about is a family unit that is committed to believing the best for all family members by first committing to each other’s innocence and potential, rather than their guilt and failures.

The conscious family has as its mantra “I attract only peace into my life.” The conscious family says, “I will look at you, no matter what you do, with eyes of love and forgiveness. There will be boundaries but this will not be your prison.”

The conscious family holds to the uplifting of each individual to that individual’s higher purpose without any belief that one person going up means another person won’t get there; there’s no scarcity in the conscious family.

Conscious families understand that our Source puts each person here to follow their own calling and that one person doing well is simply proof that everyone can do well in the life they’ve been called to live.

There’s no pettiness in the conscious family, no in-fighting, no backbiting, no one-upping. There’s no competition because everybody knows that the family unit’s thriving is based on EVERYONE living up to his or her potential.

So, at this point, you might be saying, “Whose family are you talking about? I haven’t met a single soul who has that?” My response is, “Good. Then you’ll be the first family to do it and watch others follow.”

Over the next 11 months, I’m going to take you on a journey, coaching you through the process of recreating your family from the ground up. These next 11 months will enlighten you. They will challenge you. Most of all, they will change you. And that’s my goal.

Until we build consciously loving families, we cannot expect a world that is consciously peaceful. I am beginning with you so that you have the tools you need to put the “us” back in family and where you take it after that, as with everything in life, is up to you!

Let’s begin!

The first article, "The Curse of Tolerance in Family", can be found at: http://tinyurl.com/toleratingfamily

Kassandra Vaughn, CEO ROI Coaching

Think big, act small, love all the way through...

Partnership In Love

2009-02-13T18:47:00.001-08:00

In one of my favorite books, Enchanted Love: The Mystical Power Of Intimate Relationships
, Marianne Williamson says the following, "In learning to show up more fully for one person, we learn to show up more fully for life."

Love is about reciprocity, the lessons we teach as well as the lessons we learn in EVERY human interaction.

Are you looking at love like it's a romper room or a battlefield?

As long as we are spending our time defending our right to be loved in a certain way, we're missing the experience of love in all ways. No matter how difficult the journey seems, you were meant to experience certain lessons with this person. It's a healing and an understanding that you could not come to on your own.

That doesn't mean you stay in the relationship forever. The length of your journey together is up to the BOTH of you. What it does mean is that you choose what kind of experience this is. If you want to spend all your time blaming the other person for what they did wrong or shaming them into "acting" right, go ahead but you are not their lover; you are that person's jailer.

If you choose to spend your time, in this relationship, discovering where your fears of intimacy come from, why this person brings up, for you, pain from the past, and why, no matter how hard you try, you don't trust them to love you and keep you safe, now you're on an enchanted journey of self-love and discovery. No matter how the relationship ends, you will come out the better for it.

This is what I teach about in the CHOOSE YOU! 4 Week Online Workshop (http://chooseyouworkshops.blogspot.com/): how to heal from the past, experience self-love, and step into a transformation of your life in the future. It's about moving beyond your limiting beliefs to a place where you really love yourself and, in doing so, have the capacity to unconditionally love others.

In a chapter called "Removing the Ghosts", Marianne says, "None of us are who we were yesterday; we're certainly not who we were ten years ago. In fact, we're not even who we were five minutes ago. In every instant, we are blessed by God with the opportunity to reinvent ourselves, to transform our entire lives through grace and commitment and action and love. May we become, in our romances, as gracious to each other as God is gracious to both of us."

If you'd like to understand relationships on a deeper, more meaningful level, if you need to forgive the past but don't know how, if you long for an enchanted love but don't know if it's possible, read Enchanted Love: The Mystical Power Of Intimate Relationships
. It will change your life.

Dealing With Sexual Guilt

2009-02-13T17:37:00.000-08:00

Too many people carry around loads of sexual guilt.

Why did I sleep with that person?
How could he/she cheate on me? What did I do wrong?
Why is my body so fat and undesirable?
How can I enjoy sex when I'm not even sure he/she really wants me for me?
When is this over? I hate it.
Why do I feel like I have to do it to keep him/her pacified?
When am I going to feel sexy again?
Why did that happen to me as a child?
Why am I so scared?
Why am I afraid to try new things and why, when I do, do I feel cheap?

And the list goes on and on. Guilt, of any kind, is useless, wasted emotion but when it's sexual, it's destructive. Sexual guilt will make you afraid of your own body. It will leave you feeling numb or out of control, supersexual or asexual.

When you carry around sexual guilt, you feel dirty, unequipped to handle sex, disinterested, grossed out, helpless, fearful and any combination of the above.

There is another choice.

You can choose to release the past, not judge or blame yourself for it and begin to love every aspect of you, including your sexuality.

You can start by looking yourself in the mirror and affirming "I am willing to forgive myself and others." Say it as many times as you need to.

Then you can move onto "I accept and love myself." When you're ready, you can start affirming, "I give love deeply and fully and I receive love deeply and fully." You can move into (when you're ready): I am a sexual, sensual being with so much love and nurturing to give and receive."
Look yourself in the eyes and spend as many days, months and nights as you need to until you beileve it. Focus on the good in you, release the past and bask in the moment. If you do this, sexual guilt will be history.

In my work on myself and with clients, I've found Louise L. Hay's book, You Can Heal Your Life (Gift Edition) , to be extremely helpful in releasing the past and moving into self love. If it's not in your library, this is a must have book!

Why Unconditional Love is So Powerful... And Conditional Love So Crippling

2009-02-12T07:59:00.000-08:00

“If we want enchantment, we have to prepare the brew. It takes inner as well as outer work; dedication to the discernment of spiritual truth as it flows through our lives and relationships. It means learning what it means to show up for another person, what it means to give something from the depth of ourselves, what it means to receive, what it means to make another person feel safe without indulging his/her neuroses, what it means to take responsibility for our own issues, what it means to bless and support someone else, what it means to meditate with another, to forgive another, to pray with another, to reveal to another, to delight another, to celebrate another, to create new life on some level with another, to avoid the temptation to abandon another, to avoid the temptation to attack another, to learn to be kind and patient even when we’re not at all in the mood, and still- in the midst of it all- to NOT rely on another for either our sustenance or our wholeness. To remember always that God is here, in the middle of the relationship, and that what your beloved cannot give you today, God gives you always .”
- Marianne Williamson, Enchanted Love

In your relationships, what kind of love are you giving and receiving? Is it unconditional or conditional?

For most of us, the answer is, "It depends on the day." For all of us, the answer can be, "Unconditional now and always."

How do you get there?

Unconditional love is the greatest power in the world. Why? Because it is grounded in a deep, inner knowing that you love yourself, can provide for yourself, and have all that you need where ever you are and whoever you're with.

There's power in being able to say, "I am free to love you fully and completely because I love me fully and completely."

When you experience unconditional love, you don't judge or blame yourself. You accept responsibility by saying, "I see the pattern that created this. I now choose differently" and you do the work of choosing differently. That's it; no shame, blame or guilt.

When you love yourself just as you are, you know that you're enough. When you know you're enough, you don't take ANYTHING anyone else does personally. Whether they stay in your life or go, whether they love you back or not, it doesn't matter. You love you enough to know that whatever they choose to do is about them, not you.

When you love in this way, you're open to loving someone else unconditonally, to saying to that person (even as they make you want to scream), "I know this is your pet peeve but I'm choosing to focus on the real you, the you I know is there even though you had a bad day at work and don't know what to do next."

People make mistakes. How can we condemn someone else for being imperfect when perfection is a standard no one can live up to?

Unconditional love says "I love me enough as I am to love you enough as you are and I choose to be with you and heal with you and grow with you and love you no matter what you do or say and I love me enough to trust my inner wisdom to know when this relationship is over."

It's about self love and trust first. It's about knowing that another person's love will not make or break you but your judgment of that person can.

You cannot receive what you're not willing to give. That is why conditional love is so crippling.

When we love conditionally, we put conditions on ourselves and others and, before long, you've got two people living in prison: "When you do this, I'll do that." "If you screw up here, I'll punish you there." "If you don't live up to this promise, you're a liar." "If you don't fulfill my every need, you've failed." "If I'm not the only person in your universe, I'll find somebody else who'll make me feel that way."

When you love conditionally, all of your power is put in someone or something else. You are left powerless. Where is peace in that? Exactly. There is none.

Unconditional love means you wake up every day and commit to seeing the innocence in every person you come in contact with. It means you commit to not gossiping about other people. You commit to showing compassion. You commit to not making assumptions. You commit to not taking things personally and not feeling the need to punish people when they do make mistakes.

Unconditional love means you know that you're enough and you don't require anyone else to complete you. Unconditional love means you deserve the best and you accept it now and you teach people how to treat you, not by what you say, but by how you live.

Isn't it time we all chose to love unconditionally?

What's Your Story Morning Glory?

2009-02-10T06:12:00.001-08:00

What's your life story? Who created it? Did you know that you're the writer, producer, casting director, cinematographer, and star of the movie called "your life"? Yup, that's you!

Too much time spent in the past means we are creating a soap opera of a life. You know how soaps work. In every episode, it's said at least a thousand times who Marlena's married to, what Sami's doing to whom, why Bo and Hope arent' together for the 15th time, and why Stefano has risen from the dead to come back for the entire Brady clan.

Ever not watch a soap for 3 months and turn on an episode after the hiatus? What do you notice? You didn't miss a thing! It's like a skipping CD; it replays and replays and replays. When you're living in the past, that's what you're doing with the movie called "your life."

Don't write a soap. Don't write yourself a television show. Why? TV shows have themes, the same main characters and it always ends the same: somebody wins, somebody loses. Does that sound like an interesting life? Nope! It's called status quo and that's no fun.

If you're going to write your life (and you do write it with every thought you think and every action you take), you need to write the story of your life that reflects your full potential. The only way to do this is to change your story.

The point of your past is not to rehash it or relive it; the point of your past is to find the blessing and lesson in it and use that lesson to propel your life forward.

You are the writer and it's time for you to write a spectacular action/thriller/drama/comedy that has everyone in the world laughing, crying, sighing, dreaming, living, being and going out with their Canon HD cam creating their own life movies.

Need help creating a new story?

I will be teaching a FREE LIVE! 5 week workshop in North Hollywood, CA called "Rewriting Your Life Story". Bring a journal, a pen, and your life story and we'll work through the process of recreating it. Info on the course and registration is below:

DAY: Wednesdays
TIME: 8-10 PM PST
START DATE: Wednesday, April 8, 2009
END DATE: Wednesday, May 6, 2009
COST: FREE!
HOW TO REGISTER: Email your interest to chooseyouworkshops@gmail.com
PLEASE NOTE: Class size is limited to 15. Spaces will fill up fast!

Be Your Own Hero!

2009-02-09T07:26:00.000-08:00

Life presents us with countless opportunities to learn very specific lessons. For me, I find that life has presented me with numerous experiences to learn self-reliance.

What is self-reliance? Knowing that you can make it, do it, become it, and be it on your own.

It's a faith and confidence in yourself that doesn't require anyone else to make you feel good about who you are what you're doing in your life. When you are self-reliant, no matter what situation comes your way, you know one thing for sure: you'll handle it.

That's what it means to feel the fear and do it anyway.

Question: What lessons is life trying to teach you?

Remember: You can learn it the first time or the five-hundredth time; it's up to you!

Want to know more about Kassandra Vaughn on the personal level? Visit my personal blog at:
http://thebestdecadeofmylife.blogspot.com

A Place to Call Home

2009-02-07T18:47:00.001-08:00

Where do you call home? Is it a feeling? A family? A place? Where is home for you? Have you ever lived in a city or town where you didn’t feel at home? Ever been to a place that you know is great to visit but not a place you’d want to live?

I meet people from all walks of life, living everywhere from New Zealand to New York to Utah and the one common denominator I’ve found, in each and every person, is this: they know where home is.

Are you living “at home”?

We create sacred space in the home that we live in by creating, within and around us, a sense of belonging, peace and familiarity. The old adage is very true: “Home is where the heart is.” When you find yourself unhappy with where you live, the first question you must ask yourself is this:
Am I at home wherever I am?

To move forward, the answer must be yes. You (your body, your mind, your spirit) are your own home and the peace that you seek can be found, in any circumstance of life, within you. Tap into that well before ever considering a physical relocation. You will never find peace if you’re looking outside yourself for it. Begin within and cultivate an attitude of gratitude for the home that is you.

Once you’ve affirmed “I am at home wherever I am” and you truly believe that, it’s time to look at your surroundings. Do you like the home you live in? Is it clutter free? Does it have color, vibrancy, and openness that makes you feel peaceful and abundant when you walk in the door?

Coaching
ROIIf you find yourself dreading to come home or feeling closed in by all the furniture in your living room or scatter-brained by all the clutter and junk in your house, guess what? It’s time to do some space and clutter clearing. Your house is a reflection of your state of mind. Honor your space and it will honor you.

Once you have your home clear, you may find that you still don’t like where you live. You could be a city person living in the country or a small town person living in the city or a family person who now lives thousands of miles away from family that you dearly miss. Whatever the situation, if you find, on a daily basis, that you feel any of the symptoms below, it is time to make a move:
* depression
* isolation
* disconnected from those living with you due to longing for a life somewhere else
* no desire to clean, remodel, or nurture your current living environment
* constant complaints about where you live
* financial drain in the form of house projects, bills, and household repairs

Any of these signs are red flags that are telling you something: this location is NOT for you. Too many people live too long in the wrong geographic location because they have convinced themselves that they don’t’ have a choice. You ALWAYS have a choice. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

Remember that life is too short to spend even a year living in a place that you can’t call home. At any moment, you have the talent and the wherewithal to make a move. Decide where home is, make an action plan to get there and, without one second of delay, take action and do only those things that will get you there (and not keep you here).

Final Point: You are home whereever you are and you can make your home whereever you choose to be. Either way, you choose…

Shhh... Don't Tell Anyone

2009-02-06T07:12:00.000-08:00

I'm filled to the brim with so much that I want to say, teach and talk about that I'm letting out a little secret... well, a BIG secret.

My first book series (4-11 books) will be released on my oldest son's birthday, May 23rd.

"What is the series about?" you might ask.

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT MORE!
http://tinyurl.com/darknightseries

Testing the Depth of Your Commitment

2009-02-05T06:24:00.001-08:00

In "The Power of Intention", Dr. Wayne Dyer says the following:

"View the events you consider obstacles as perfect opportunities to test your resolve and find your purpose; by acting as if you're on purpose and treating the hurdles as friendly reminders to trust in what you feel deeply within you, you'll be fulfilling your own intention to be a purposeful person."

My question to you today is this:

What's deeply within you?

Each of us has, within us, an inner knowing, a wisdom that speaks, even if we choose not to listen to it. For every choice we make or decision we consider making, there is this inner knowing that silently says, "Yes, that's moving you closer to your life's purpose!" or "No, that's not quite it. Be still and know that the right thing's on its way." It is up to us to listen to our inner knowing AND to trust it.

How do you listen to your inner knowing if your life is shattering around you, if your mortgage is 2 months past due and your credit card bills are piling up?

How do you listen to your inner knowing if you're in a marriage you knew you should've never gotten into but it's 10 years later and you're afraid to be alone?

How do you listen to your inner knowing if you hate your job but you're afraid to give it up for fear you won't be able to find a job you really like?

How do you listen to your inner knowing if you want more but still don't feel good enough?

All of these are valid questions. They aren't truth but they are valid.

The truth is that you are and I am:

* Creative

* Kind

* Loving

* Beautiful

* Expanding

* Abundant

* Receptive

If we'd only just say "yes" to life, "yes" to the process, "yes" to our dreams, "yes" to letting go of the things we never truly needed in the first place, "yes" to a future that's being creating with every thought right now, "yes" to endless possibilities, "yes" to letting go of limiting beliefs, "yes" to making this the best decade of our lives starting NOW, if we'd only say "yes", the one thing each person would find out very quickly is this:

The universe conspires in our favor to bring us what we want and believe we can have... ALWAYS.

Try it and see for yourself.

Should You Act Your Age or Your Shoe Size?

2009-01-29T08:00:00.000-08:00

Life is meant to be enjoyed. Just as there’s a time for seriousness, there’s also a time to have fun.

Laughter is the best medicine. When you look at life, remember that the only moment that counts is the present one and nothing is so serious in the present moment that you can’t smile, laugh or find solace in it.

Don’t sweat the small stuff; it’s all small stuff and that’s where being a kid becomes important. Kids don’t fret about tomorrow. They’re too busy in the present moment.

Children are fascinated by their ability to make right now as exciting and fun as possible. Try being 5 today. You’ll get a kick out of life, you, everything and everyone.

Remember:
“Infinite patience produces immediate results.”

Signs That You're a People Pleaser

2009-01-27T20:27:00.001-08:00

Everyone likes approval. It’s natural to feel good when people see you making important life decisions and they affirm you.

There’s nothing wrong with liking approval or seeking it but if you REQUIRE approval in order to feel good about yourself, or if someone’s disapproval puts you in a stagnant or immobilized place, there's a problem.

You’ve now stepped into the realm of people pleasing and the truth about people pleasing is this: it’s a no-win situation. You can’t please all of the people all of the time.

Signs that you’re a people pleaser:
1) If you don’t get approval, it immobilizes you
2) You drop everything to say yes to people, even when you want to say no
3) When you go out, your first thought is “What do they think of me? Are they talking about me?”
4) You don’t show people all of who you are for fear of rejection or ridicule
5) You change your plans, decisions, and perspectives as soon as someone disagrees with you

If you are a people pleaser (and we've all been there at one time or another), here’s the one thing you need to remember:

When you people please, what you’re really saying to those people and the world is this:
“YOUR OPINION OF ME IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY OPINION OF MYSELF.”

Awareness is key. So is action.

Your new thought:
“What you think of me is NONE OF MY BUSINESS!”

10 Words That Will Simplify Your Life

2009-01-26T20:29:00.001-08:00

I love, trust, cherish, respect, and honor who I am.

When you love who you are, you accept yourself. You encourage yourself by focusing on all the good that is in you.

When you trust yourself, you follow your inner knowing and do what’s right for you. You are not easily swayed by the “good” opinions of others nor do you feel pressure to do what other people suggest in order to get their approval.

When you cherish yourself, you take good care of yourself: body, mind and spirit. You feed your body good things and make time for exercise. You take quiet time to meditate, think and/or pray. You focus on the positives in your life and you express gratitude on a daily basis.

When you respect yourself, you do what’s best for you in all situations without allowing guilt, shame or blame to set in. You know you deserve the best and you accept it now.

When you honor yourself, you see how divine you are. You become aware that you are a vital part of everyone and everything.

You look for ways to serve your community. You follow your dreams because you know that the greatness that has been put in you is meant to be shared with the world.

I love, trust, cherish, respect and honor who I am.

Say this affirmation on a daily basis and watch your life unfold in magnificent ways.

Who Would You Be Without Your Story?

2009-01-26T08:11:00.000-08:00

Every person comes to life with a story they are comfortable telling. Without even knowing it, we use it as a calling card to anyone and everyone we encounter. It's the "this is who I am because of where I've come from story." What is your story? Think back to the last two or three people you met for the first time. How did you describe yourself to them? What did you tell them about your life? Now think of your best friends. What recurring theme or idea do you find yourself discussing with them when it comes to the topic of your life? Here are a few examples:

"My father left before I was born."
"I'm a single mom."
"I've had a slew of bad relationships."
"People are always so jealous of me."
"I was raised by perfectionist parents. Nothing was ever good enough."
"I can't live without my coffee."
"Always the bridesmaid, never the bride."
"I'm a loner."
"People just don't get me."

And the list of "stories" could go on forever. Although we are raised with these experiences and create stories to help make sense of our lives, there is something so disempowering about summarizing who you are based on what you've been through. You are not your experiences. You are not your parents. You are not your failed relationships. You are not your FICO score. You are whatever you choose to be RIGHT NOW. The key to being free of your story is to stop telling it. As a great author once said, "If you don't have a story, you don't have to live up to it." Stop telling your story and see what blossoms in your life.

All Prayers Are Answered Prayers

2009-01-24T11:15:00.000-08:00

I'm such a big fan of Julia Cameron. All of her work amazes me, from "The Artist's Way" to "Answered Prayers." I keep her book of prayers, "Answered Prayers", with me at all times and the reason I love it so much is because it speaks to the whole notion of CHOOSING YOU. When you start to understand that you're a part of the divine, that you matter, that loving yourself is at the center of having everything you ever wanted in your life, every prayer you send out into the universe comes back to you because you know there's no lack or scarcity in life. We're all a part of this and we all have access to it.

Here's a Julia Cameron prayer and feel how beautiful your life truly is!

"Your heart is busy with too many concerns. You worry. You are agitated. You have no time for me. Get quiet. In all the world, only one thing matters, and that is our contact. When we are together, all else comes into harmony. I am the maker of all life. I bring to all relations sweetness and right action. Put me first. Come to me with all of your turbulence. I will bring you peace. I am intended to companion you. Let me fill your hours with my presence. I take delight in you. You are my cherished child. In all of time, there is only one of you, unique and original. I never tire of your presence. Allow me to be your friend. Let me become the place where you are most intimate, where you speak your truth most freely. Mine is a patient heart. Bring me your concerns. Tell me your worries and agitations. I can focus with pure love. I can listen with pure attention. No matter the hubbub of the world, I always have time for you. In all of creation, there is nothing that I place before you. You are my focus. You are whom I long to hear from. Allow me to come close to you. Let me into your life. Allow me to enter your heart. I come with respect. I bring the gifts of gentleness and wisdom. I am for you wise counsel. Share with me your hurried heart. Slow down and speak with me. I bring you joy."

Next 4 Week CHOOSE YOU! Workshop Starts April 6th!

2009-01-18T18:54:00.000-08:00

Are you ready to live life to the fullest?
Tired of wasting time thinking about the woulda/shoulda/couldas of the past?
Ready to let the past go and redesign your future based on what you want and need?
Are you ready to spend four weeks completely and totally on you?

Then it's time to CHOOSE YOU!

Space is limited! Register today by clicking on the Pay Pal link.

Stop waiting! Start becoming! CHOOSE YOU!

DATES: April 6 - May 4, 2009
LOCATION: Online
REGISTRATION DEADLINE: First come, first serve. Spaces fill up fast!
COST: $278.00 (includes e-book, manual, podcasts, and 3 one hour life coaching sessions via telephone)

Take It Back!

2008-12-28T06:50:00.001-08:00

2008 may have been a great year... or a not so great year. It may, at this point, seem like a year of many losses... or a year of many gains. Whatever kind of year it's been for you, ask yourself one question: What do I deserve? Too many people sit back and let life happen to them. What they don't realize is that, in every circumstance, in every experience, you have the power to choose. Your obstacles can always become your opportunities. In fact, that's what they truly are but if you spend all your time in worry, doubt or fear, you're taking your mental energy and using it to keep yourself stuck where you are when you could be focusing on the amazing power you have to get up, to step out, and to get exactly what you want.

Why do people stay stuck? There are so many reasons but the one I want to talk about today is this one: Some people are not willing to do what it takes, to stay in the game for the long haul, to persevere no matter what. Who said your path would be easy? Who said your path would only have roses and happy people in it? No one. So when the first obstacle comes and knocks you off your feet or you hear the first no in your business or you lose the relationship you thought would be there forever, you feel taken for a loop. You fee trapped in a situation that you never thought would be you. You feel lost and, sometimes, you feel helpless. Who's choosing to feel that way?

The bottom line is this: anything you've lost in 2008, anything that's happened that's thrown you for a loop in 2008, you can get back... AND THEN SOME! It's about what you think, what you believe, and what you do. Remember: you'll know how someone thinks, not by what they say but by what they do. You don't have to take people's word for it. You don't have to take your own word for it. Your affirmations are great but what you REALLY believe will come through by what you choose to DO. Make the choice today that 2009 is going to be the year that, whatever you lost, whatever you left, whatever you feel is missing in your life, YOU TAKE IT BACK! YOU CAN DO IT!

The Beauty of You

2008-12-22T08:51:00.000-08:00

Tis' the season for giving. What have you given to yourself for being perfect just the way you are? Have you serenaded yourself? Have you looked in the mirror and said, out loud, "I love you just the way you are!" What do you tell yourself when nobody's around? Are they words of love or words of fear?

The biggest thing you'll ever want to learn is not how to be a better person but how to be a more loving person and you don't learn that by loving OTHER people more; you have to start within and the only way to truly understand what it means to love more is to have more love to love with. There's only one way to get more love and it's by giving more love to yourself.

When you say things like "I'm not good at that" or "I always mess up" or "I'm a clutz" or "I've never been good with money" what you're really saying is "I'm not good enough." And that's a lie.

The bigger lie? That who you are has to change in order for you to be acceptable, especially to you. You don't have to lose another pound, get paid one single dollar more, clean the house any better, or do anything to deserve more. Right now, right where you are, you deserve the best.

There's no ifs, ands, or whens to that. You are magnificent! You are brave! You are astounding! You are and it's about time you started giving back to yourself by calling you by your true name. God operates in you and through you. You couldn't be half the negative things you say to yourself if you knew just how divine you truly are.

Tis the season to love yourself more. Look in the mirror today and give yourself a big hug and kiss! You deserve it!

What is your dream?

2008-12-19T20:24:00.001-08:00

What is your dream?
Are you living it?
What is your passion?
Are you pursuing it?
What's holding you back?
Have you let go of it?

Isn't it time you lived every day to its highest level?

We forget that our dreams are ours. They can't be orphaned, abandoned or lost. They were conceived within us, born within us and, if we never actualize them, they die with us. Your most important contribution to the world isn't what you sacrifice; it's what you offer. It isn't about what you do; it's about how you live your life.

Action is only powerful if passion and purpose are behind it and if faith is fueling the engine. You become only what you believe you CAN become.

Remember:

Where you are today, your mind put you.

Where you'll be tomorrow, your mind put you.

Isn't it time you CHOSE you?

48 HOUR CHOOSE YOU! CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! Ends Dec. 21st!

2008-12-19T20:18:00.000-08:00

When was the last time you made YOU the priority?
Are you tired of telling people "I'll do this when..." or "This can't happen until..."?

Stop waiting! Start becoming! CHOOSE YOU!

Register for this popular 4 week online workshop by Monday, December 21st! and get an AMAZING ADDED BONUS:

3 ADDITIONAL 1 hour private life coaching sessions (via telephone) FREE!

That's a total of 6 1 hour coaching sessions, 4 weeks of empowerment and change, and an action plan that will not only change your priority list but transform your life.

Don't miss out! Space is limited. Register today!

COST: $278.00 (includes ALL materials)
START DATE: 1/19/2009
END DATE: 2/15/2o09
REGISTRATION DEADLINE: 1/5/2009

Special ends December 21st

Make it Count!

2008-12-15T09:04:00.000-08:00

Life is too short to half do ANYTHING! If you're going to take a step in life, any step, MAKE IT COUNT! Do it with purpose, passion, expecting great results. Your life can be so much more than it is right now and, contrary to popular belief, it's not a recipe of you + more money + more time = a better life. The equation looks more like this:

Your beliefs + your thoughts + your actions + your perseverance + your passion = AMAZING RESULTS.

A life well lived is not one where you've saved yourself from pain. It's a life where you've transformed pain into peace by knowing the one thing that remains true in ANY life situation: You can handle it.

We never get more than we can bare. In every problem is the wherewithal for its overcoming. If you don't believe me, take any one problem you're having right now and spend 30 minutes LOOKING for solutions (not problems). You'll find that I'm right.

Today is the day you've got. Make it count!

The Buck Stops Here

2008-11-21T14:42:00.000-08:00

I was doing Tae Bo this morning (one of my favorite workout DVDs) and, for the first time, in a long time, I actually watched the last few minutes of the DVD. Usually, I go through the workout, finish the cooldown and press "Stop" but today I didn't. I listened to Billy Blanks as he said something that really hit home: "Where I am today is where my mind put me. Where I'll be tomorrow is where my mind put me."

When you really think about what that means to your entire life, it's profound. You see, whether you're in shape or out of shape, whether your finances are a mess or you've got plenty of savings, whether you're in a career you love or hate, whether you're happily married or unhappily attached, whatever your circumstances, they are the direct result of where your mind put you, of what you, on some level, felt you deserved, wanted, needed, could have and while you might be inclined to go on a guilt trip about why you would ever choose some of the things you've chosen, stop and realize that, in this very moment, you have the ability to CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY.

And that's the powerful lesson of it. No matter where you are, no matter where you've been, no matter how far you have to go, you create your life. You CHOOSE always and the beauty of knowing this comes in being able to get very clear and very focused on what you want and to keep your mind and heart invested in that future and not in the appearance that currently surrounds you.

That is the goal of the 4 week CHOOSE YOU! workshop, to transform the lives of women by helping them choose themselves and make their desires, needs, goals, and dreams a priority in their own lives.

You can do it!

Simply believe, commit to it, act on it, and where you'll be tomorrow is where your mind put you.

Register for CHOOSE YOU! today!

Price: $278.00 (includes ALL materials PLUS 3 hours of life coaching via telephone)
Registration Deadline: 1/5/2009
START DATE: 1/19/2009
END DATE: 2/15/2009

Do You Have a Poverty Mentality?

2008-11-19T17:39:00.000-08:00

Do you worry about spending money even before you get paid?
Do you try to get the most bang for your buck, even if it means picking up the lowest quality product?
When deciding between the soap or toothpaste you want and what’s on sale, do you waiver?
Are you living without some of the most basic things simply because you feel you cannot “afford” to buy it?
When you buy, are you buying principally on credit or debt because you feel that this is the only way you can get these things?
Do you feel that earning above a certain annual household income is near impossible, unless you work yourself to death?

Were you raised with any of the following money beliefs?
“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
“You’ve got to work hard for every single penny you earn… and even then nothing’s promised.”
“Life is hard.”
“Money comes and goes but there are always bills.”
“The rich get richer and the poor get poorer.”
“Rich people were born with a silver spoon in their mouth.”
“Money is the root of all evil.”

If any of the above applies, you may be one of so many who lives (whether on a conscious, subconscious, or unconscious level) with a poverty mentality. How do you know you have one?

Spend a day listening to yourself talk. If you find that you use any of the following words REPEATEDLY, the likelihood is that you have a poverty mentality somewhere in your consciousness.
* struggle
* hard
* can’t afford
* sacrifice
* getting by
* ends meet
* poor
* barely making it
* just enough
* too expensive

Why is it so important to know whether you have a poverty mentality?

You may be thinking that what’s keeping your business, career, or financial status from growing lies in your business, your career, or the economy. The truth is it lies in you. No matter what the economy looks like, there are still people making massive amounts of money. No matter what career you’re in, there are still people in your same career making lots of money. No matter what business you’ve started, there are other businesses (in the same industry) who are getting more and more new clients and customers EVERY SINGLE DAY.

What’s the difference?
Mentality.

This is such an important issue that I’ve added a new component to CHOOSE YOU!, the 4 week online empowerment workshop, starting January 5th, dedicated to erasing the poverty mentality forever.

Are you ready?

Just say yes!

Space is limited. Enroll today!

The Next Session of CHOOSE YOU! starts January 19th!

2008-11-04T11:31:00.000-08:00

The next session of the CHOOSE YOU! 4 Week Empowerment workshop starts Monday, January 5th! Don't miss out!

Click on the PayPal link to enroll today!

START DATE: Monday, January 19, 2009
END DATE: Sunday, February 15, 2009
COST: $278.00

CHOOSE YOU! is now a standalone coaching program

2008-10-08T10:56:00.000-07:00

I've had so many men and women tell me, "I'd love to take your course but I'm not available for the weekly online classes." So I'm answering all of you out there who want to be able to take CHOOSE YOU! but need flexibility in terms of how and when you take in the information. Choose You! is now offered at the same great price as a standalone coaching system.

What does that mean?

When you purchase CHOOSE YOU! (by clicking on the PayPal Link to the left), you have the option to take the 4 week online workshop or to receive the MP3 series and complete the workshop at your own pace, in your own time.

The standalone coaching program comes with the following:
* CHOOSE YOU 101 (MP3)
* YOUR VISION IS ONLY MEANT FOR THOSE WHO CAN SEE (MP3)
* CHOOSE YOU! POWER MEDITATION (MP3)
* STARTING YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT (MP3)
* 3 MINUTE DEEP BREATHING MEDITATION (MP3)
* CHOOSE YOU Course Manual
* CHOOSE YOU! e-book
* 3 one hour life coaching sessions (via telephone)

I've made this truly a choose you course. Now you have the choice- online or on your own time.

Don't miss out! Purchase CHOOSE YOU! today!

Kassandra Vaughn, the ROI Coach
Email: chooseyouworkshop@gmail.com

Don't Wait to Get Sick to CHOOSE YOU!

2008-10-08T10:53:00.000-07:00

I find that so many of my clients run themselves ragged before deciding that they need a break. Burnt out is never a good time. Even as a coach, I take times, like today, to recouperate and rejuvenate. I feel a cold coming on and instead of pushing myself to the max, instead of forcing myself to be everything for everyone, I'm taking Wednesday through Friday off to meditate, recouperate, and get recentered. EVERY MAN AND WOMAN has this right. EVERY MAN AND WOMAN has this responsibility, not only to him/herself but to his/her family. It's time we decide that it's time to choose us. It should not take a sickness, serious disease, or tragic life event to put is in a place of recognizing that we need our own time and space to rejuvenate. Your time is precious. Be sure, today, that you are making time for you!

Kassandra Vaughn, the ROI Coach

Stop waiting! Start becoming! CHOOSE YOU!

10 Wonderful Lessons I Learned Through Divorce

2008-09-29T14:48:00.000-07:00

One of my callings in life is to prevent as many divorces as possible. I truly believe that it is my having gone through a divorce that has given me the compassion and empathy to create programs like CHOOSE YOU, Not Divorce! that will result in saving many, many marriages. If you know someone who's thinking about divorce or if you're contemplating divorce, order CHOOSE You, Not Divorce and give yourself the greatest gift you ever possibly could: the ability to love and be loved unconditionally, now and always.

In the meantime, read the 10 Wonderful Lessons I learned through divorce. My hope is that you never have to learn them:)

Kassandra Vaughn, the ROI Coch

#1- You never fix a problem by condemning it

#2- Financial independence is the best choice while married and a required step once divorced; choose it early so you don't feel pressured to attain it later

#3- It takes 2 to make a marriage work but only one to watch it fall apart

#4- Your best strategy for filing for divorce is to marry the right person so you never have to

#5- To marry the right person the first time around, you have to be the right person BEFORE you meet them (we attract who we are; whole attracts whole; broken attracts broken)

#6- Love doesn't leave; the willingness to love is sent away

#7- Anyone who would rather control you than co-create with you isn't interested in a partnership; they've decided upon having a dictatorship

#8- Just because you get a divorce, it doesn't mean the relationship ends. There's no such thing as marriage amnesia.

#9- Regret, guilt, and shame have no place in relationships. All 3 require you to believe in a very big lie: that things should've gone or should go differently. The truth is that it's all perfect; everything happens for a reason

#10- Your ex-spouse has been and will always be one of your greatest life teachers. Respect and appreciate them for every opportunity you've been given to see exactly what you DON'T want.

Sign up for the FREE CHOOSE YOU! Newsletter & Receive a BONUS Exclusive!

2008-09-28T14:12:00.000-07:00

The holidays are coming! Believe it or not, September's ending, October will go by quickly and we'll be right in the middle of Thanksgiving and Christmas. With the holidays can come a sense of rush, panic, and stress. Dealing with family, gifts, parties, time, kids, all of it can make one very anxious. And, yet, that's a choice. This year, I want you to CHOOSE differently. To encourage that, I'm offering everyone a BONUS exclusive. If you sign up for our FREE weekly CHOOSE YOU! newsletter (you can enter your email address to the left of the screen), you'll receive an exclusive report that will help you choose peace and tranquility rather than rush and anxiety: The Power of YES. Learn how to eradicate stress, anxiety, and panic; move yourself into a place of peace no matter what the situation. Get the secret strategies that make 3 words your guide through family drama and financial strain.

Get the best newsletter on the planet dedicated completely to making YOU the priority! AND a BONUS exclusive focused on making this holiday season (and EVERY season) the best, most peaceful EVER! Don't miss out!

Kassandra Vaughn, the ROI Coach

Turn It Around

2008-09-26T08:12:00.000-07:00

Are you waiting for a lucky "break"? The economy to get better? People to change? What are you waiting for? One of the greatest gifts of life comes in the fact that each of us has the power to change our own lives, each of us can live a joyous existence even if nothing in our current condition changes? "How is that possible?" you ask. The answer is one word: choose.

You choose how you wake up, how you go to work, how you see the world. Everyday, you wake up and make a choice as to whether you live in a friendly world where people, places and things line up to help you or a hostile world where people, places and things are always working against you. You choose.

Now most of us create unconsciously. We walk around pissed off, mad at the world, mad at our spouses, resentful, regretful, remorseful and then we wonder why life is "hard." It's hard because we see it as hard. It's tough because we create situations and circumstances that give us reason to be right. Aren't you tired of being right? Wouldn't you rather be happy?

It's time for you to stop waiting and to start being the best of who you are RIGHT NOW in this moment. You don't have any other moment to do it. Money won't fix this. Counseling won't change this. Other people acting different won't make it any better. You are the lock, the key, the door and the doorknob. You are it already and it's when you decide that this is a friendly, cooperative world where you prosper and feel joy, it's at that exact moment that your life will change and, yes, you will be able to CHOOSE YOU!

Do it now...

On the Verge of Divorce

2008-09-16T08:55:00.000-07:00

Watch any of the powerful court scenes out of the classic divorce drama "Kramer v. Kramer." What do you notice? Two people who’d once been very much in love and very much committed to building a life together now sitting in a courtroom, in the ashes of their relationship, battling over the greatest gift they’d ever been given: their son.

How did they get here? What takes two people from love, respect, and passion to anger, disrespect, and apathy? Could anything have been done along the way to prevent this from ever even being a consideration?

A wise person once told me, “The key to a happy marriage is growing together and not growing apart.” With a 60% divorce rate, somehow, we, in this country, are not getting what that means. So how do you stay in a marriage when you feel disrespected, unloved, mistreated, trapped, hurt, and constantly filled with a sense of desperation to leave? What do you do when you live with someone who does nothing but criticize or complain? How do you move forward in a relationship when you’re growing and the other person isn’t? When do you say, “Enough is enough” and how do you walk away from something you promised you’d never leave?

The truth is if two people enter a marriage choosing themselves, honoring themselves, loving themselves, these same two people have the ability to fully and completely choose each other WITHOUT feeling like they are losing or sacrificing ANYTHING. It is when two people come together with the intention to “complete each other”, to fill in the gaps, to be someone they are not so the other person is happy that we wind up with a situation where people end up sacrificing themselves for the other person only to discover that no matter how much they give in or give up, it’s never enough.

You see, we like to win, men and women both and when one partner feels like no matter what they do, it’s never enough, there’s no winning and hence the relationship begins to die.

How do you stop the process once it starts?

Visit the Choose You, Not Divorce website at http://chooseyounotdivorce.blogspot.com and click on the PayPal link to order your copy of this amazing coaching series today!

Coming Out of a Quake

2008-07-29T15:41:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in Starbucks this morning doing the usual thing… online. I had my water bottle, a snack, and my headphones were on. It was another sunny California day and I was thinking “Here’s Tuesday, the same day as Monday only Tuesday” and then I felt a rumble and shake under my feet. I looked down and around and the entire building was shaking. It was like some X-Men/Superhero type person went outside Starbucks and pushed the building with all his might, shaking it to make the cookies and coffee come dribbling out. I looked up and people were running out of the store and then it hit me, “Earthquake.” I’m new to LA, never really experienced earthquakes in Connecticut and, at first, I thought “Run!” But my mind took over and said, “Before you run, Kassandra, take the laptop.” That’s what I did. I half way packed up the laptop and then the people came back in, I sat back down, and life resumed as usual… only it wasn’t as usual. I had a choice to make.

When life altering things happen to each of us, we have one of 2 reaction choices: 1) We can keep doing what we’ve been doing before it happened (and therefore keep getting what we’ve been getting) or 2) We can choose to do something different, knowing that nothing happens until something moves.
I realized today, in the bump of a 5.6 California earthquake, that this wasn’t Monday all over again, that I had a choice as to whether I was going to take this day for granted and live it like I did the last or take it for the adventure that it is and live it like it’s the Tuesday that will never happen again. That’s what CHOOSE YOU! is all about.

It’s about helping women to see that their lives are a series of choices, that by not choosing something different, you’re choosing to accept the same. It’s a 4 week transformational workshop that has an online platform with a down home feel. Every week, you’re connecting with 10 to 20 other women who, like you, want change to take place in their lives. This is not a course about making change; it’s about living it, being it. And the learning you get in CHOOSE YOU! goes on forever because once out of the class, you get all the recorded transcripts, podcasts, and notes from the workshop to keep and refer back to FOREVER. In this way, you can recharge and revitalize at any moment in your life… and all you have to do is click a mouse or turn on your iPod.

So I survived the quake but, more importantly, I’m being the change I wish to see in the world by living the adventure of today. I’m taking an apply-and-conquer approach to my life because I know how to choose me.

Are you ready to choose you?

Sign up today!

Follow Me On Twitter

2008-07-29T15:22:00.000-07:00

If you're interested in really getting to know the ROI Coach in all her glory (and not so glory), check me out on Twitter: http://twitter.com/theroicoach

What are you doing?

Kassandra Vaughn, the ROI Coach

Are You Afraid You Made the Wrong Life Choice?

2008-07-23T08:50:00.001-07:00

The path less traveled… Do you ever sit and wonder about what could’ve been if only you’d done things different? Do you find yourself stuck in a certain place in your life because you’re afraid to make the “wrong” choice? What if you knew you couldn’t fail? What if you knew that every choice you made has a rhyme and a reason, that every experience in your life entered your life to make you grow, to bring you closer to the peace, love and happiness you crave? Would you still fear change?

Some people leap forward in their lives, taking risks, learning lessons, making life this fun adventure that’s about learning and growth. Others contemplate even the smallest of decisions, play it safe in every circumstance only to end up feeling held back and locked in, questioning their every move from the time they make it to years after they’ve done it. One person lives in the freedom of the experience. The other lives in the prison of their doubts.

The question is: which one are you? Who are you choosing to be today?

We live in a society that was built on freedom but condemns choice by calling it failure, mistake, wrong move. But that simply isn’t true. Every move we make is the right move, at the right time for the moment we’re in in our lives. There are consequences to every action but the worst thing any one can do is take no action because of a fear of failure. Failure is simply an opportunity for learning and feedback. If you never ate a food you didn’t like, how would you know the foods you love? If you never experienced night, how would you know what the day is? If you never went through a tough time, how would you know how to feel gratitude and appreciation for the great times? You wouldn’t.

The gift in life comes in the fact that we’re never the same. We’re always changing and the gifts of today came from the lessons of yesterday.

Who would you be if you got out of your own way? What could you do if you only knew how powerful you truly are? Isn’t it time you CHOSE you?

Do it today! Sign up for CHOOSE YOU!, a transformational 4 week online workshop that starts September 8th.

Don’t wait! CHOOSE YOU!

What does "really loving myself" look like?

2008-07-18T11:47:00.001-07:00

When I think about what it means to really love myself, the first thing that comes to mind is non-judgment. We spend too much time judging ourselves for not being: not being smart enough, rich enough, thin enough, happy enough, flexible enough. The list could go on forever. When I imagine what it looks like to really love myself, I see acceptance, being in this moment and knowing that everything's right with the world, that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, that I'm doing my best, that my best is good enough, that everything I need shows up right on time, that nothing and no one's missing from my life, that I love how I look, I love what being me feels like, that when I make a mistake, it's a great thing because it means I'm learning and growing.

When I think about really loving myself, I trust myself. I trust that I know which way to go with my career, that even if I don't, it'll come, that there's so much inside of me, that there's no way I can't get it right (whatever "it" is). When I really love myself, I know that nothing can stop me, that all experiences work in my favor, that great people and experiences are on their way to me because my passion for life attracts them. When I really love myself, I know it's my right to take time for myself. I can say "no" to people, engagements and requests for my time because I know that part of being a woman is being a queen and key to being a queen is being rested. I rest and don't feel guilty. I work and don't feel burdened. I play and enjoy it. I have the power to lift my own spirits and when my mood changes or I'm feeling pain, I know that I chose it and I can change it.

When I really, really love myself, I don't say "You've got a long way to go." I say "How far you've come and you're still growing."

Above all else, when I really, really love myself, I love what is, I stay in the here and now because who I am is perfect and will take me wherever I need to go next. I throw worry, guilt and fear away and I buy awe, joy, and peace because the interior tape that plays in my head is no longer "You're not good enough." It's "You are everything you need to be to do everything you want to do and I love you... just as you are." That's what it means to really, really love yourself.

If you're ready to take your life to the next level, CHOOSE YOU! This phenomenal online workshop starts September 8th! Sign up today!

Who Would You Be If You Got Out of Your Own Way?

2008-07-06T14:17:00.000-07:00

Who would you be if you got out of your own way?

What would you do if you focused on what you could do as opposed to what you haven't done?

Where would life go for you if you knew that you were creative, powerful, and resilient and could handle anything that came your way?

What wouldn't you do if you knew that failure wasn't real, that results are opportunities for feedback and learning and that the people who succeed are the ones who never stop trying?

Who would you be?

Find out in CHOOSE YOU! 4 Weeks of Transformation and change.

This is your life. Make it about you!

CHOOSE YOU! 4 Week Workshop
Start Date: September 8, 2008
Cost: $278.00
Where: Online

What is your dream? Are you living it?

2008-06-14T14:29:00.001-07:00

What is your goal? What is your dream? Are you taking steps in that direction? CHOOSE YOU! is a transformational 4 week online workshop for both men and women that will not only change the way you think but will alter what you believe about what is POSSIBLE for you.

If you're ready to stop waiting and to start living, NOW is the time to do it!

Register for CHOOSE YOU!

"Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win, By fearing to attempt."
- William Shakespeare

Take a Risk!

2008-06-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

What is the one thing you'd pursue or achieve if you knew YOU COULDN'T FAIL? That's where you should be! That's what you should be doing! It is your beliefs about success and failure that determine the direction you take your life in. If you know that there's no such thing as failure, that everything you do produces a result, that you have the ability to take your results and change your strategies so you can produce different outcomes and, over time, get exactly what you want, risk becomes less daunting.

Life is about taking chances. It's about making a decision to live fully in the moment, to take hold of opportunities, expecting the best and knowing that everything that occurs, even the worst, adds to your life experience.

Today, no matter what you're doing, make a choice to believe that everything you want in your life is readily available. All you have to do is take a risk.

Feel the fear and do it anyway!

Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway! Change your life in 4 weeks!

2008-03-22T23:57:00.000-07:00

CHOOSE YOU! is a wonderful 4 week transformational online workshop. Using the "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" approach of Susan Jeffers, this 4 week workshop will motivate, inspire, and direct you. In 4 weeks, you'll develop a strategic plan for living life on YOUR TERMS. In this course, you receive:
- THE MAP (a set of 4 MP3 podcasts)- Learning how to make strategic life changes and making yourself the priority of your life
- YOU CAN DO IT! Motivational MP3 designed to help you turn your obstacles into opportunities
- Weekly web conferencing with your facilitator and others in the workshop
- CHOOSE YOU! Course manual and weekly affirmations
- One half hour coaching session (via telephone)
You receive ALL of this at a phenomenal price: $125.00

Don't miss out! Stop waiting! Start becoming! CHOOSE YOU!

Start Date: Monday, September 8, 2008

About Your Instructor

2008-01-25T17:04:00.000-08:00

Kassandra Vaughn, CEO of Clean Slate Films and ROI Coaching, will be teaching her popular 4 week transformational seminar called "Choose You!" in an online class format.

Born in Norwalk, CT, Ms. Vaughn graduated high school at the age of 16 and proceeded to attend Vassar College in Poughkeepsie, NY. With a B.S. in Sociology at the age of 20, she left behind other's expectations of medical school and went on to earn an MBA from Auburn University by the age of 20. Kassandra, like all women, has experienced the hills and valleys of life. A teenage mom at the age of 19, she worked a full time night job doing data entry while pregnant and maintaining full time status in college. Divorced after 10 years of marriage and a mom to three children, Ms. Vaughn made a choice to pursue her dream as a writer, producer, and actress... and life has never been the same since. She continues to write and produce and is a published author. Having gone through four years of secondary infertility before having her second and third child, Ms. Vaughn is the author of "Conceiving By Faith: Getting Through the Journey of Infertility" and the upcoming release, "Choose You!" It is Ms. Vaughn's goal to reach out to men and women and let them know that living their dream isn't only possible; it's the only choice possible.

CHOOSE YOU!
In this 4 week course, you will learn how to envision and formulate your life vision, develop courses of action to bring the dream to fruition, and set up a core group (your master mind group) of 3-6 people who will support you as you move into your destiny. From starting college at 16 to being a mother at 18 to running a successful film and production company and success coaching firm, Ms. Vaughn shares the secret to living your best life. Start now! Email for website and course information.

Are You Living Conditional?

2008-01-25T17:01:00.000-08:00

We spend alot of time talking about what we plan to do "when." For whatever reason, now isn't the time to find a new job, join the gym, have a baby, or make a move. It's always the conditional approach: "I'll do this as soon as that happens" or "I'll make a change when I'm ready" or "I'm going to have a baby when I have $15,000 saved in the bank." When you plan your life using the conditional approach, all you get are more conditions.

When are you going to choose you and decide that today is as good a day as any to start living your life, on YOUR terms, in YOUR way, and for YOUR enjoyment? What will it take for you to be ready to take the leap? I've got news for you. None of us feel 100% ready for the leap or 100% sure that there'll be something to catch us wherever we land. The only thing we know when we make that leap is that we can't stay where we are, that where we've been hasn't served us well, and that the only place to go from here is up.

Join me today. Take the leap and register for the online course. You can't keep waiting for the time to be right. Guess what? It never will be. The time is now. Stop waiting! Start becoming! Choose You!