What's On My Mind...

Saturday, March 21, 2010
The last few weeks have been intriguing. I've realized, in myself, patterns I thought were long broken. I see things now that have been fear-based that, for a time, I thought were logic grounded... and I'm ready and willing to change. I opened up Marianne Williamson's "Enchanted Love" to a random page and a prayer popped up. I'm going to hold onto this prayer for the next week or so. It fits in perfectly with the next CHOOSE YOU course I'll be teaching:

"Dear God, I don't wish to be a child anymore. I don't wish to be held back anymore. I don't wish to waste my life. Deliver me to new realms, repair me where I am broken, and ready my heart for everything. Thank you, God. Amen."
- Marianne Williamson, Enchanted Love

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Are You His Spouse or His Mother? (Read Time: 3 min)

Why do women insist on mothering men?

That's the question I'm pondering tonight. Marianne Williamson says it best,
"A woman cannot win by mothering a man because a man does not want to sleep with his mother. A woman who emotionally does too much for a man will always end up losing him."

And, yet, so many women pick up a man child thinking he'll transform into a man's man and guess what? Twenty years later, she's still waiting.

The reality is this: a man doesn't want to have sex with his mother... and he won't stay with a woman who babies him. It's also true that a woman doesn't want to have sex with her son and when she gets tired of nagging, ordering, and changing diapers, she'll drop him like a hotcake for a man who's already grown up.

There comes a time when we, as women, have to decide if we want a relationship with a man that's a masterpiece or a boy who's a work in progress. I don't know about you but I already have three kids. I don't need a fourth nor do I have the desire or the time to wait for someone to turn "potential" into actual.

Getting out of the relationship pattern of being the mother is hard to do. It involves seeing a person, not for who they "could" be but for who they're showing up to be and, as women, we want to believe in the highest form of each and every person, especially men. But, reverse the equation: When was the last time a man dated a 400 pound woman saying, "I know there's a 125 pound beauty queen in there somewhere and I know she'll evolve?" or dated a woman who is an emotional wreck and said, "I know she'll be mature, stable and able to mother my children someday so I'll marry her on hope."

I know few men who've done this and the ones who have were sadly mistaken.

In the upcoming CHOOSE YOU! course, I'm going to spend some time on how both men and women can break free of the negative relationship pattern that involves parenting their partners. A partner is not someone you grow up; it's a person you grow with.

"Until a man makes an essential break from his boyhood, he will not have the muscles for real manhood, or for real love. He will not know how to reach far enough for love, and women around him will always be tempted to respond by reaching too far. This spells emotional disaster for both."
- Marianne Williamson, "Enchanted Love"

What's your take on parenting your partner? Have you done it? Do you do it? Have you ever seen it work out in a relationship?

Post your comments here or email me at

Monday, September 7, 2009

Pain is a Choice... (Read Time: 2 min.)

Everyone has the need for self-expression, to be, in this world, who they were really meant to be. It doesn't matter how long it takes or how many relationships one has to go through, at some point, everyone steps out on their own... to deal with their own stuff.

I wonder why, in many circumstances, people view individuality as a selfish exertion of will. Who I am in no way challenges who you are. Who you'd like to be in no way informs who I CHOOSE to be so why do so many people get offended and uptight at each other when people don't act or behave the way they expected them to?

More than that, why do some people, who find themselves threatened by the individuality of another, become cruel? Do they believe that cruelty creates fondness?

The truth is that we each live in our worlds with sets and characters and storylines WE wrote. At any moment, we can flip the script. In a heartbeat, circumstances open our eyes to new and different ways of living. To blame someone for experiencing life in their own way is like blaming someone for breathing: what's the point? Breath has to happen. Life has to happen. People are entitled to their own choices.

The thing that is most moving about life is our ability to choose. We don't have to live in the blame/shame/guilt game. We don't have to arm ourselves with fake senses of self and self-righteous superiority or victim thinking that would rather fault someone else for being who they are than taking responsibility for who you've decided to become.

Hurting people hurt people but they don't have to. Like love, pain is a CHOICE...