“If we want enchantment, we have to prepare the brew. It takes inner as well as outer work; dedication to the discernment of spiritual truth as it flows through our lives and relationships. It means learning what it means to show up for another person, what it means to give something from the depth of ourselves, what it means to receive, what it means to make another person feel safe without indulging his/her neuroses, what it means to take responsibility for our own issues, what it means to bless and support someone else, what it means to meditate with another, to forgive another, to pray with another, to reveal to another, to delight another, to celebrate another, to create new life on some level with another, to avoid the temptation to abandon another, to avoid the temptation to attack another, to learn to be kind and patient even when we’re not at all in the mood, and still- in the midst of it all- to NOT rely on another for either our sustenance or our wholeness. To remember always that God is here, in the middle of the relationship, and that what your beloved cannot give you today, God gives you always .”
- Marianne Williamson, Enchanted Love
For most of us, the answer is, "It depends on the day." For all of us, the answer can be, "Unconditional now and always."
Unconditional love is the greatest power in the world. Why? Because it is grounded in a deep, inner knowing that you love yourself, can provide for yourself, and have all that you need where ever you are and whoever you're with.
There's power in being able to say, "I am free to love you fully and completely because I love me fully and completely."
When you experience unconditional love, you don't judge or blame yourself. You accept responsibility by saying, "I see the pattern that created this. I now choose differently" and you do the work of choosing differently. That's it; no shame, blame or guilt.
When you love yourself just as you are, you know that you're enough. When you know you're enough, you don't take ANYTHING anyone else does personally. Whether they stay in your life or go, whether they love you back or not, it doesn't matter. You love you enough to know that whatever they choose to do is about them, not you.
When you love in this way, you're open to loving someone else unconditonally, to saying to that person (even as they make you want to scream), "I know this is your pet peeve but I'm choosing to focus on the real you, the you I know is there even though you had a bad day at work and don't know what to do next."
People make mistakes. How can we condemn someone else for being imperfect when perfection is a standard no one can live up to?
Unconditional love says "I love me enough as I am to love you enough as you are and I choose to be with you and heal with you and grow with you and love you no matter what you do or say and I love me enough to trust my inner wisdom to know when this relationship is over."
It's about self love and trust first. It's about knowing that another person's love will not make or break you but your judgment of that person can.
You cannot receive what you're not willing to give. That is why conditional love is so crippling.
When we love conditionally, we put conditions on ourselves and others and, before long, you've got two people living in prison: "When you do this, I'll do that." "If you screw up here, I'll punish you there." "If you don't live up to this promise, you're a liar." "If you don't fulfill my every need, you've failed." "If I'm not the only person in your universe, I'll find somebody else who'll make me feel that way."
When you love conditionally, all of your power is put in someone or something else. You are left powerless. Where is peace in that? Exactly. There is none.
Unconditional love means you wake up every day and commit to seeing the innocence in every person you come in contact with. It means you commit to not gossiping about other people. You commit to showing compassion. You commit to not making assumptions. You commit to not taking things personally and not feeling the need to punish people when they do make mistakes.
Unconditional love means you know that you're enough and you don't require anyone else to complete you. Unconditional love means you deserve the best and you accept it now and you teach people how to treat you, not by what you say, but by how you live.
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